55 “Fit” Rules for my unborn son

 

I dont know how or why I got bit by the reading bug. I went from not wanting to read a thing in school to reading any and everything I can. As if to try and make up some quota.

 

One of my recent conquests (its not much of a conquest, its a tiny book with 2-3 sentences per page) was one I picked up at “The man’s store”. The real name of the store is, The Sporting District. But it has alot of manly shit so I just renamed it. It’s cool to call them that. I asked.  

 

 

 

Anyways the book is called, Rules For My Unborn Son.

 

I know what you’re thinking. Oh shit! Someone has baby fever………My mom actually texted me yesterday saying she had a dream about a baby. I told her maybe it was a premonition and she got excited. I said yea, like Sandra Bullock……………. she wasn’t amused. But no baby fever, it’s actually a pretty cool book full of a bunch of mini rules to help with life.

 

  

 

The mini book inspired me to write this list out. I realized I don’t think anyones ever created a “fitness” list for this. And if ever the day comes that I do have a son I feel like this list would be pretty pimp for him to have.

 

So here goes.

 

“Fitness” Rules For My Unborn Son

 

1. Poh-teen. Protein is king, make sure you have enough of it.

 

2. Respect rest days. You won’t always be superman.  

 

 

 

3. Vice versa, take advantage of your superman-like hormones and train smart and hard.  

 

 

 

4. While all your friends are doing curls in the squat rack. Use it for what its meant for. SQUAT! Squat heavy and deep. Remember, the deeper you go in the rack the better you are in the sack.

 

5. Keeping up with the ryhmes…….Get good at heavy kettlebell swings (for longer time). Remember, the better you swing, the longer you’ll make that bell ring *wink *wink.

 

6. Girls don’t care how much you can bench. They care how much you look like you can bench.

 

7. Abs aren’t everything. Focus on building quality muscle. Build your traps, shoulders, quads and you’ll be ahead of the game.

 

8. Get bloodwork. Check your testosterone, free testosterone, estrogen, and thyroid levels often. Knowing where you’re at when you’re at your prime gives you a ton of insight. 5-10 years down the road when you start feeling like shit and docs say your levels are “normal”, you’ll have something to look back and compare to.

 

9. The weight room will teach you alot if you let it. Don’t be arrogant and lift heavier than you can for the ego. The weights will humble you quick. Same goes in life, dont be arrogant and do things for the ego. Because sometimes someone will knock you off that high horse as fast as a 500lb barbell will.

 

10. Be a supportive workout partner. You’ll be surprised how it’ll carry over to real life. Remember this, If you or your workout partner wouldn’t be the first person that you’d want there in a back alley fight………….then change workout partners or change yourself.

 

11. You might think you know it all. But that guy pressing those 10lb dumbells with a weird technique is doing it for a reason. If he’s bigger than you, then you have no business trying to correct him. There are countless techniques, methods, and workouts out there.

 

12. If you’re doing a dropset and are on the last vein busting set with the 5lb dumbbells, chances are that’s when a hot girl will walk by. Own it! Don’t try to explain yourself, let your results do the explaining. (If there are no results…………then you’ve got some s’plaining to do).

 

13. Along the lines of the countless methods and modalities, find what you like and stick to it. Nobody likes a program hopper. If you keep hopping from program to program you have no right to get upset at the gains you’re not getting.

 

14. When it comes to strength, its not about how big you are. Strength is a skill. A 120lb girl can deadlift 350lbs.

 

15. If you’re looking to build muscle. DON’T bulk and cut. That’s old school and unnecessary. Slow and steady gains while staying lean is where its at. Sure you’ll only gain around 5lbs of muscle compared to 10lbs on a “bulk phase”. But when you cut it’ll even out to the same 5lb muscle gain. The only difference is you’ll stay summer ready year round and not look like a turd.

 

16. Understand the moment you touch a weight, your life will change forever. You will never be satisfied. You will never be strong enough. You will never be big enough. But that’s a good thing. You’ll always be hungry. A wise man once said, “The day you started lifting, is the day you became forever small”-Dom

 

17. Rack your weights. It’s extra cardio and it’s dickish not to.

 

18. Be bold, go for the hot girl in the group. She doesn’t get hit on as much as you think. Most beautiful women are intimidating and dudes think that they get hit on all the time ( which is true in some sort, they get hit on mainly by douches). Be genuine, charismatic, and funny. (just ask your mom ?)

 

19. For the off chance that she is one of those that gets hit on all the time. Resort to the ole curveball. Talk mainly to her friend. Don’t pay much attention to her. Women used to getting hit on left and right expect it. When they don’t they automatically see red flags as to why you don’t want them. After you develop some rapport with the friend, then change your sights to her. If done right, you’ll have peaked her interest, have her friend like you and suggest you to her, and if nothing comes out of it, you made more friends. (DON’T ask your mom ?)

 

20. Sure the external motivators of lifting weights and changing your physique are great. Impressing a girl, making the team, building confidence. But make sure you do it for YOU. Changing your physique to impress a girl won’t make you happy, you’ll still be the same shy kid only 20lbs more solid.

 

21. Don’t neglect your mental health. I would even go as far to say that if there was only one area you can train for the rest of your life it would be your mind. Meditate, visualize, affirmations, read, learn and you can take over the world.  

 

 

 

22. Just like you build your body, build your mind and social skills. You need to be able to interest a girl with your mind. Not just your body. If you’re body is all you’ve got going for you then no you aren’t a pimp, you’re a stripper. (And don’t listen to your mom and the aunt Vira story neither.)

 

23. Be confident. That same confidence you bring when you walk up to the weight on the deadlift bar should be the same confidence you bring when you walk up to the hot girl at the bar. Notice I said confidence and NOT cockiness…..(Another one to ask your mom ?)

 

24. Say fuck it more often. Get away from being scared of what can go wrong and think about what can go right. Dive right in and see where it takes you. You’ve learned to swim, so what’s there to worry about.

 

25. Along those lines, learn to adapt. Just like you train your muscles to adapt you have to train yourself. You never know what situations life will throw at you and those who adapt survive.

 

26. Empower and inspire. There will be a point in your life when you reach a certain level of fitness and start inspiring others. That moment is where you realize it’s no longer about you. Now that you’ve inspired people, you must empower them.

 

27. Style is important. But a well built physique never goes out of style. If you build a fit physique, even a white tee becomes fashionable.

 

28. Learn about nutrition early on. Learn what foods make you feel certain ways. What is optimal for you and what isn’t.

 

29. Understand that things are constantly changing. What worked for you before might not work for you again. A workout program wont repeatedly yeild results. What food you used to be allergic to might not be in the future.

 

30. Fat loss and muscle building is never linear. It’s never a constant flood of results. Be patient and keep grinding and putting in the work. 

 

31. You either learn your way around a plateau or you grind. Hit the wall harder then it hits you. Eventually you’ll break through it.  

 

 

 

32. Wake up early. 20 years down the road when you’re scrambling for extra free time you’ll realize how many hours you’ve wasted sleeping till noon.

 

33. Never argue with or learn from internet trolls. It’s a waste of time. Fighting with or learning from keyboard warriors is a surefire way to become a desk jockey yourself.

 

34. Do everything and anything you can in your early 20’s. There’s something powerful and unlimited around then. After 25 it starts slowing down and you have to learn to do things smarter and not harder. This pertains to fitness, business, life, ect.

 

35. When it comes to dating and “netflix and chillin”, qualtity is key and not quantity. Focus on finding people you can connect with and have fun with. Sure having alot of “notches” under your belt may seem cool and your friends will think your cool. But you know who doesnt think its cool? That hot girl everyone including you is chasing after. Trust me, you’ll thank me later. (Another one to ask your mom ?)

 

36. Only wear under armour to the gym. Wearing super tight under armour anywhere else isnt cool, its douchy.

 

37. Work on gymnastics. Get better at pullups, L-sits, Planches, and front levers. You’ll be amazed at how much your performance will skyrocket. Ive seen a gymnast who’s never touched a weight walk up and deadlift 315lbs on their first try.

 

38. Mobility equals quality of life. At the end of the day thats what its all about. Lack of mobility by the age of 40 ensures you’ll lose mobility or your life at an early age.

 

39. Don’t play with your hormones unless they’re broken. If your friend jumped onto testosterone and got great results, good for him. Dont dabble and end up damaging your hormones for good. If their broken then by all means get it fixed, but dont be greedy. Your body is pretty good at balancing and creating order. For every effect there is usually and equal and opposite effect.

 

40. Nootropics are great supplements. Learn about them. Learn which ones work for you. Use them wisely.

 

41. Get plenty of sleep. If you’re not able to, then make sure its restful sleep. Things like magnesium, Huperzine-A, and melatonin are a good idea.

 

42. Like Chubs Peterson says, “its all in the hips”. Do your hip thrusts. Stronger and more efficient glutes not only look good in pants but carry over to things like sprints and deadlifts.

 

    

 

43. Take care of your pelvic floor. Unglue your hips and keep your core strong. Kegels! Trust me dudes need them too.

 

44. Use it or lose it. Your body is really good at that law. You either use it or lose it. Don’t be surprised if you take a 3 month hiatus from the gym and come back and can’t lift the weights you used to. Keep it up.

 

45. If you haven’t noticed by now, this is lifelong. You don’t “get fit” and then stop. It’s a lifelong thing. Once you come to terms with that things will be much easier.

 

46. Don’t listen to your great grandma when she tells you that lifting weights will make you a fat slob when you get older like the old guy in your hometown. Lifting weights didn’t turn him into fat slob with age, he did. 

 

47. Forget sugar, spice, and everything nice. Be insanely humble, incredibly adaptable, unconditionally selfless, and have a highly irrational sense of optimism. 

 

48. The work you put into the gym and nutrition is directly proportionate to the results you get. There’s no free ride.

 

49. Do experiments and journal it. Experiment with different workouts, nutrition methods, and supplements. You’ll never know how something works for you until you try and test things out. A pinch of caution, try and focus on one experiment at a time. Don’t be like that one guy that is taking 30 different supplements and has no clue which ones working.

 

    

 

50. The further a goal is the more you need a targeted approach. If it’s within range, the shotgun approach could work too. There’s no way you’ll hit a deer at 200 yards with a shotgun, but if it’s close enough there’s no way you won’t hit it. 

 

51. If there’s a hot girl at the gym. DO NOT approach her at the gym. Let her do her thang. Instead casually “bump” into her on the way out and offer her an “extra” quest bar you have (everyone loves a quest bar). Let the relationship blossom from there. You’ll see if she’s cool enough to pursue or at least you made a new friend and possible wing woman.    

 

52. Curls are for the girls. Tri’s are for the guys. Glutes for the sleuts. 

 

53. Make friends with everyone. Don’t judge a book by its cover. You’ll be surprised how often that grizzly bear in the gym that everyone’s afraid of and no one talks to is actually a giant teddy bear. (Google Brian Shaw as an example)

 

54. Play sports, compete, or just get out there and do something. Healthy competition is good for learning about yourself and life. If forces you to have to work towards a goal and keeps you accountable. 

 

55. Listen to your coaches. You’ll learn a lot more than you think. Take a step back and look at how coachable you are. Maybe it’s not the coaches fault. Maybe you just don’t listen. In the off chance you do have a shitty coach, find another one, or mentor under someone.   

 

There you have it.

 

 

Im pretty sure I can make an entire book with hundreds of rules but the gym is calling me and it’s time to wrap this shindig up. Maybe there will be a part 2 in the future.      

 

Have any rules of your own? Add them in the comments. I’m looking to expand the list

 

 

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